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The Nillabyte Perspective: Technology

Tech Support: Is It Customer Service Or Customer Disservice?

When did customer service become customer disservice? It seems that everything is automated now-a-days. When I call my phone service provider for customer service, I am accustomed to being greeted by the emotionless automated directory. When all I need to do is quickly pay my bill, I want some automation, but when I am having trouble with my service, I want a real person and I deserve to talk to one. Every time I tell the deficient phone robot that I want to talk to a real person I love its insulting response: “I heard you say that you want to talk to a real person, but I can help you quicker. If you want to order services press 1, if you want to check order status press 2, if you want to hang yourself press 3.” After I scream my feelings of umbrage for the next minute, the dopey automaton finally realizes I want to talk to a real person.

The fatuous robot tortures me further by saying “Okay, you said your head is going to explode, I will transfer you to a representative, but first, I need some of your personal information.” At this point I usually consider hanging up and calling Amnesty International, but a monkey never learns—I give the artificial-unintelligence what it asks for. After I spit out my social security number, phone number, my first-born's date of birth, and my blood-type, the aggravating robot finally transfers my call.

After I listen to one of Mozart's piano sonatas played on flute for 39 minutes, a real honest to goodness breathing human being picks up the line. Why oh why does it have to be someone in India? To make the experience even more frustrating, the customer disservice representative asks for the same information that the stupid automated phone robot asked for. Why ask me twice and waste my time further? I patiently attempt to work through the language barrier with the person on the other end of the phone, but after I spell my first name for the 7th time and the representative still fails to get it correct, I give up.

The company's useless and convoluted website is the next way to attempt to get service. Does anyone else find it beyond insulting that when you click on a Contact Us link, you are first brought to a page that reads something like “Before you even consider sending us an e-mail and bothering us, please read over these pointless FAQs that have common sense answers that won't help you.” After I scroll through all the helpless FAQs, I search for an E-Mail Us link. I finally find it among the site's legal flotsam at the bottom in size 2 font.

In lieu of an e-mail form, there is yet another page with useless helpful links and knowledge bases (whatever the heck those are). Several links and pointless webpages later, I finally get to the e-mail form. I am forced to learn the art of brevity since the e-mail can be no longer than 250 characters including spaces. I painstakingly finish the time-consuming e-mail, click submit, and then the page hangs for 60 seconds. “401 Error—server not found.”

The wonderful world of customer service.


  1. gordo's Avatar
    You hit the nail on the head! It is nice knowing I am not the only person tired of the typical quality of customer service.
  2. pinkyANDtheBRAIN's Avatar
    After I listen to one of Mozart's piano sonatas played on flute for 39 minutes . . . .
    Nicely put!
  3. joeb's Avatar
    hahahahaha. awsome


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